This is it!
Mood:  not sure
Topic: A milestone
It's nearly impossible to believe that it's already been a year since I got engaged. My how time flies. What's even better is that the wedding is in six weeks! Incredible! Right now I'm down here visiting my fiance' for the fourth of July, and to celebrate the year of engagement mark. It's just unusual to think that this is my last time down here before the wedding. The next time I see this place, I will be hours away from getting married!
I haven't made an entry in a while because I'm still working at the hospital forty hours a week, and I'm taking English comp in the evenings, two nights a week. I'm very busy. And then on top of it, I did get the job. They flew me out, put me in a suite over night, interviewed me, gave me a tour and hired me on the spot. Now I just have to get in touch with them because they're taking care of the moving truck, and time's runnning out! So far that's the last big step before the wedding. The honeymoon is taken care of, the wedding plans are too. All that's left is the moving part. I'll be very relieved when that base is covered. But until then, I'll just have to wait patiently; well, maybe not patiently.

Now what!?
Ok, so I'm waiting for a confirmation e-mail from the travel agency. They're booking my flight for less than a week away! Now that I have an apartment and church and school and even a hopeful job, I don't know what to do! I come here to the library to conduct business online, but I keep finding that most all of the necessary business is already done! For a while I was feverishly searching for a church, school, job, and housing that I had an eternity of time logged in here at the library. Slowly I found all of those and anticipated following through with those plans. Oh, I almost forgot the honeymoon plans! I was looking hard for the perfect trip and now I even have that! Everything has fallen together perfectly thus far, and the future is looking good too. I am so excited about this interview I can hardly stand it!! I can't wait! I love interviews! I'm also looking forward to having full assurance of employment. I have waited my whole life for the day when I could fully support myself and even a family and live comfortably, and God is going to provide that I know. It's just thrilling to know that that day is right around the bend! For twenty-two years, every single life experience of mine have been preparing me for this moment in time. This is the crucible, the boiling point of my life. Success either happens now or it doesn't happen at all. NOt that people can't become successful later in life, but it certainly doesn't get easier! Opportunity has presented itself like a billboard in Time's Square, and I'm jumping on the band wagon. I'm taking the bull by the horns, charging the hill, siezing the day! For me? No. For my employers? NO! I want to make a successful living for my Honey! She deserves the best that I can provide, so nothing less than my best will do. My goal? Spoil her rotten! I want to treat her like a queen, and if I can't I'll feel like I'm insufficient. Inadequate. A failure. I love her so much I could scream. So much that there is no description but to say that only Divine love could supercede my own love for her. She is everything to me. Many people claim to have experienced miracles in their lifetime. So do I. When my Honey came into my life, I could add myself to the list of miracle recipients. Her loveliness, beauty, faithfullness and affection are nothing less than heavenly. And when I hold her in my arms, she'll finally know just how much I love her, for words are but an inadequate attempt, a mockery compared to how much I love her. But she will know when I hold her close and caress her tenderly and kiss her softly that I love her in a way that exeeds the greatest earthly love far beyond measure.

Beside myself!!
Well, I'm officially on cloud nine! I sent my resumes last week and got a call two days ago from the exact place that I hoped would call! I was planning on getting there for an interview somehow, but they asked me when would be good for me. I told them May 28th. Now they're flying me out there on the 27th and putting me up in a suite so I can interview the next day! I even get a rental car. They're treating me like royalty! If I get hired(and it looks good) then I get a $10,000 sign on bonus, a $3,000 relocation package and immediate benefits for me and my wife! I'm still in shock. I can't wait to tell her. She'll freak! God is so good. He gets all the glory for this, not me or the human resources people. This is His doing, and I'm so thankful to Him! I can't wait for the interview! Praise the Lord!!!!!

On the right path!
Things are really starting to come together now. My time in this sorry excuse for a state is coming to an end in three months and my plans are starting to fall into place. I reserved the apt today, my resumes are ready to mail, the honeymoon spots are reserved and the deposits sent in, I found the perfect nuc med school and I've got a church to go to. I did all of that without visiting the area! How cool is that. And I even have a savings and checking account there already! I'm prepared! And it;s only getting better. As soon as the resumes go out I'll feel better, and even more so if a few places take the bait. I have a killer resume and my cover letter will make sure they won;t hesitate to check it out! I'm bound to get responses, and as soon as I do, I'll get an interview scheduled and zoom out there to claim the prize! If I get multiple responses, I don't know which place I'll go with yet, but I'm waiting for interviews first so I can see if it fits my needs. Once I get hired and have a start date(of which I'm prepared to set)then I'll feel truly relieved. I have enough money for the first months rent and security deposit and after that is a mystery, but I'm confident the Lord will provide for our needs. He always has, always will. He's already showing His sovereignty in these matters and it's still early yet. He gave me a school, an apt, job openigs, a church, a bank, etc.etc. He'll provide for exactly what He wants me to have. And I'll praise Him for it!

Whoah Baby!!!!
Ok, get this. My Honey sent me this e-card thing from Hallmark today, and it was great! It had this little animation with some nut dressed like a prince hopping into a catapault. Next thing you know he's sailing through the clouds. Then you see his fair princess waving a white hankee at the top of a castle terrace and just like that he smacks into her and the two start smooching like it's going out of style! Of course a cartoon wouldn't show the smooching part, but you see the two disappear behind the wall and little hearts start floating into the air and bursting. And all of us that are at all aquainted with cartoons know what that means! Anyways, I'm looking forward to the smooching part, and maybe even throwing a catapault in there would have kind of a romantic twist. Or maybe not. I'm just a big thrilled sap because I get to see her tomorrow. It's been a little over a month and that seems like an eternity! But I'm sure we'll enjoy eachother and have lots of fun! Lots of fun! He! He! He!

Time is running out!!!
I haven;t got much time left at all. I just finished the rough draft of my resume. I haven't even scratched the surface in regards to packing for the move. I got my suit for the wedding, but they cuffed it which I asked them not to do. I just registered for english comp and they won't let me test out of it. I still need to take trig and they;lkl probably make me take algebra before that! I hate algebra!! As if that isn;t enough, I'm right smack in the middle of registry review for my national board exam in August. Everything has to happen in August! Take registry first week, graduate second week, get married third week, start job fourth week, and hopefully start trig in September. What a mess. So much stuff and all of it is crucial to my life. None of it is easy either! The moving truck has to be here before the first of Aug so I don't have to pay the rent. The end of may I need to call the new apts to see what's available. June 10, resume goes out! And somewhere in there, I'll have to have an interview providing I get a taker! Which means a twelve hour drive!!!!! ONE WAY!!! Then a six hour drive to follow that once I return, then a 14 hour drive to follow that!!! I hate driving. It wasn't always that way. I used to enjoy being behind the wheel, but when you throw in enough stress, tension, anxiety, business, and education for ten men, a two ton metal projectile is not the place to be sitting! I've had to cram before, but nothing like this. I'm basically begin an alternate, new life! Everything is changeing. New home, new relationship, new job, new school, new church, new community, new friends, new schedule, new diet(wife food!), and probably more new stuff I haven't noticed yet! A new existence is a huge undertaking to plan in a few short months. The problem is that you can;t get a head-start with this stuff. It all has to come to a boiling point. It's too early to register for class, to reserve an apt, to send resumes, to pack essentials, etc. etc. After September, if all goes as planned, I will be crowned king of the multi-tasking domain, with Vallium as my court jester! When will the insanity end?!!!!!!!!!!!!

True Love
In a distant land, many years ago there lived a princess in a castle that overlooked the plains. She was the most beautiful woman in the world of that day and all the kings subjects admired her. The young girls emulated her, the youngs boys swooned over her, and the knights of the royal army competed for her hand in marriage yet she was without a true love.

She was not pious like most women of the princess type. She regularly walked the streets of the villages helping those in need of food and making friends with the townspeople. Many respected her for her kindness and not an ill word could be said of her charity, but the princess had another reason for her acts of good will. A young man, a peasant who regularly made visits to the villages markets for supplies was partly the reason for her interest in people. She knew he was not much to look upon, nor did he have much to offer, but she continually pleaded his cause before the king on his behalf.
The tradesmen of the region were men driven by success and money and many times they had thought to drive the peasant man from his land to prosper themselves, but the princess begged her father to refuse permission to the marketers. The man was protected from every ill that could have befallen him by this loving princess. All the while, he was none the wiser of the acts of his princess on his behalf. He didn't understand how he was able to survive thus far with the little that he had.
Several years passed with this very same cycle and as time progressed the princess had awaken to an awkward yet amazing reality. She had fallen in love with the peasant. She had always felt odd for the interest she had taken in him, but she was compelled to plead for him and had become obligated to continue. She worried over him and watched him and loved him and cared for him, having never known him.
As time passed the king began to observe his daughters compassion for the man and could no longer bare to see her love for him unnoticed. Late one evening after the princess had gone to her chambers, the king gathered his horsemen and servants and rode into the night to the broken down house where the peasant lived. A loud knock woke the man from his sleep and he ran to the window only to gasp in terror when he saw it was his highness. He gathered himself as best he could and slowly opened the door.
Hour upon hour of story after story rang in the peasant mans head with deafening truth. He now knew that all the terror he was spared from was the work of the king in answer to his daughters request. He had never felt so humbled in all his life, even as a peasant. Of all the things he had ever recieved, he only now fully understood the true meaning of thankfullness and love. Though he had already pledged loyalty to the king, he now felt a true love for his king for protecting him. Immediately he understood something he had never known before. He now looked differnetly at the princess. He felt such joy and gratitude toward her, that he could not help but fall in love with her. From the moment he had heard of her sacrifices for him, he loved her with a pure, undying, sacrificial love. And having never met face to face, they truly loved eachother.
Early that morning the princess awoke to her father at the foot of her bed. He explained where he had been that night and after she had prepared herself she was taken to the great hall to meet the peasant man. And when she entered the room, she beheld a man who was not dressed as a peasant. He had been given all the royal dainties only a prince would have been entitled to. When he had realized all that had been done for him and had shown gratitude, the king bestowed upon him all the riches of royalty. And as he beheld her he saw her beautiful compassionate eyes and he began to cry tears of joy. He could not think of how to begin to thank her and rejoice over her. He had no words to say and she alike. She stood before him now, unable to keep back tears as she saw his love for her, and without a single word spoken, all the love they had for eachother was communicated when he embraced her. Though he felt unworhty of her prescence and love, his embrace showed the gratitude and love that his words could not.
Time passed and the two were married. And whenever he saw her he felt an uncontrollable joy welling up within him, for he never forgot how she had loved him when he was unlovable and cared for him when his destruction seemed inevitable. For that he loved her truly, and whenever words seemed insufficient, he took her in his arms and simply held her close and their souls would be entwined once again and they understood the love they shared for eachother without a single word spoken.

True love can only be defined by one word- sacrifice. How much you love someone can only be proven by what it takes to keep you form showing it. True love will stop at nothing to show itself. True love is also characterized by gratitude. When someone loves you truly, gratitude is what compells you to requite that love. True love is content to love with nothing in return. There are no sufficient words or descriptions for true love. True love is communicated by actions which cause two souls to be united.
I have a princess of my own, who means more to me than all the world. She has done more for me out of love than I could ever say thank you for. For that reason, I love her more than life itself And though I have no sufficient words to tell her, our souls will be united and our love will be communicated when I embrace her. And we will understand the love we share without a single word spoken.

I LOVE YOU, MY PRINCESS

Uuuuuggggghhhhh!!!!
Frustration. One of the most insidious of human emotions, and right now I am the universally geographic center-point of it. I had a long insane day at work today. I spent much of it in surgery doing O.R.I.F.'s and kyphoplasties. People were in their usual catty moods. Then on my way out of the parking lot, I was concentrating so hard on the traffic both ways, that when I pulled into the street, I almost hit some nurse who was crossing. She screamed various obscenities at me and will probably tell the whole hospital. Too bad I missed.
I'm tired. I ache. I miss my Honey. In general, I'm in a totally apathetic mood right now. I could probably analyze myself enough to conclude with some other moods I might be entertaining at the moment, but I don't care.
My Love is in NC visiting her siblings in college and it makes me all the more frustrated. She's thirteen hours further away from me than the normal six.
I have to wait until the end of May just to call and see if an apt is available. That's also when I need to settle with a job. That seems way to close to deadline for comfort.
I also got my suit for the wedding. It fits just perfectly enough to be comfortable if I lost fifteen pounds. It's not tight on me, but it's just right. I like them big though, so now I'm committed to losing 15+ lbs in order to be as comfortable as I'd like.
Yesterday I threw away a whole load of stuff I don't need. Even large pieces of furniture. I'm trying to consolidate my belongings so that I won't have too much of that to do come time to move. I have a huge couch, queen bed, computer and desk, three large plastic totes(full), a box of kitchen stuff, clothes(not much), and whatever my Honey brings to be loaded on the truck. I'm not done yet, so that't tonights project.
On top of all that, I have review for my board exam which includes lots of tests and quizzes. I have this sick goal of acing the test, but we'll see what happens.
So much insanity and not one bit of it can I prepare in advance, which means a bottle neck. When one of those occurs, every conceivable responsibility, and stress related circumstance converge upon a single point in time and space. I am well acquainted with bottle-necks. I have much grey hair because of them, and I'm only in my twenties!
So there you have it. My frustrating life in a nutshell, precariously perched at the tip of an iceberg. Now comes the "Hang on for dear life!" part.

I'm sickened
There is a group of people in a church called Fairhaven Baptist that are absolutely wicked. 98 % of the people that are raised in that church are children of hell. I'm convinced of that. I joined a forum from that church to see if some of my old aquaintences were there and read some horrific things posted by people who have grown up there and then left. These people have no better station in life than to be bitter over the past and let it ruin their lives so they can spend it on some forum wasting their time and minds with foolishness. Why? Because they were taught that way since they were young. FH church is not a church because by defenition a church is a body of believers and I'm growing more convinced each day that they are nothing but a fasade. Their appearence is good but they a devils in sheeps clothing. They are as much under the control of the flesh and satan as the unbelievers. Christ does not rule in their moratl bodies nor their church, but lucifer is having his day there. They appear as angels of light, but in them is darkness. Their minds are clouded and their eyes blinded by the wiles of satan and his tool- their pastor. I left that church just thinking I disagreed with their methods, but now, I see the products that they make and am appauled. They have filled this world with more wickedness and have brought reproach to the name of Christ and His church. I think many will be shocked on judgement day when they see so, so many from baptist churches like FH being condemed to hell. It's so sad, and I've tried to help and get some of them to understand, but satan has such a stronghold in thier lives that it would take a miralce and several natural disasters of epidemic proportions to change them. I must leave the midwest! People here have more hatred for Christ than I have seem almost anywhere else in my travels. And it's because of the wickedness and self-centeredness of so called "Christians in NW IN. They've infected this region with a prevading cloud of evil and yet they call it good! And some try to live right and they call them back-slidden. This is a day in which evil is called good and good, evil. That is a sign of the times! Christ is soon returning, and oh what a reckoning will take place and what fear will strike the hearts of men. The wickedness of mankind can only merit the fierce judgment of God, and I pray that nations will repent and turn to Him before it is eternally too late! How ashamed will His children be when they stand before Him and give account of their doings? I fear that many who labored so long and worked hard in the service of the Lord will be ashamed because they served to please men, and exalt themselves. They will only be abased, and they will weep over the rewards they might have had if they had only lived for one thing- thier walk with almighty God.

Ok, here's the deal
I'll probably take english 101 at Ivy tech this summer and speech as well. English in mondays and wednesdays and speech is on thursdays. All evening classes. It works out perfectly but I will be missing our wed night prayer meetings at church at which I am a song director. If I had never accepted the position it would be easy to slip into obscurity to take my classes on wed nights, but since I'm a somewhat public figure now everyone will notice that I'm gone! Fortunately, I stopped caring about pleasing other people when I left Fairhaven church. Those people thrive and do everything they do to please eachother and most importantly their pastoral staff (if they can be called pastoral). I'm going to do what's best for the future of my family, and that involves finishing my education. FH may put most importance on ritualistic practice, but my wife's future and any kids that may show up depend on me finishing my education first. I'll still be in church on sundays, but I must take these classes or I'll never reach the goal that I'm supposed to reach. God knows my heart and He knows that I wish I could be in church on wednesdays. He knows that I pray and desire to be under the teaching of His Word, but I know also that He wants me to be responsible with my future and He will not condemn me for two months of missed wed night services, so no one has a right to condemn me either. I will not regret it, but rather be thankful that I did it. When people ask my wife what her husband does for a living, I want her to feel proud to say that her husband is a nuclear medicine specialist, who finished his bachelors degree and went to get his masters and maybe even further than that. With a better job I can spoil my wife too. I can buy her a new dress every month and take her out once a week to a really fancy resteraunt. We can go on nice vacations once a year and even take weekend trips from time to time. I want nothing more than to do as much as I can for my family, and if missing some mid-week services at church makes that wrong then so be it, call me wicked, but my family will come first. God WILL honor that.